I Am Speaking

Adam the adoptee. That’s who’s speaking? Yes. That is me. I am speaking.

“We don’t want to hear about…”

“- Excuse me, hold on, I am speaking.”

 That is how I honor my voice. Saying those words in a tone representing duality in assertiveness and calmness is how I do it. For so long, this voice shook, and over time, I began to doubt the message. The voice lost sense of the truth. I still consider my approach to honoring my voice with respect and curiosity. I ask questions and wonder how my voice transcends. I used to be primarily extroverted, and honoring my voice growing up was so organically done without concern. I thought that it was evident that if I was speaking, it was because I genuinely had something to say. Even at those times, I was barely scratching the surface of a deep well of thoughts and emotions about all things. That well has been dipped in much more lately.

With more introversion, practice, and purpose, I can appreciate honoring my voice with a sense of awareness and a deep connection to who I am. Adam, the adoptee. To what I value. To what I believe in. From what I know, my truth is. To stand with others who understand their truth. To affirm who I am curiously becoming. To affirm who they are becoming. To reach someone with my voice in positively influencing and supporting other voices to show up for themselves along the way. Now that I’ve got my value statement let’s consider the actions and behaviors I might display in honoring my voice.

I take stock of what I need to ensure my voice is valued. Is the space I speak in somewhere I am confident in sharing a message is what I might ask myself? Not for applause but to represent my journey in healing a wounded and dismissed voice. To renew me with a responsibility to bring the voice that speaks truth and healing every time. To put it front and center, a voice that doesn’t sound like the other more prominent and domineering voices with a softer, more vulnerable yet still powerful voice that encourages and supports those like me to keep showing up.

To honor my voice, I must remember the process of getting here. Having another adoptee connection a while back sparked my curiosity and continued healing by offering me the chance to speak publicly about everything I’ve learned in my adoption journey. To receive the gift of several safe spaces to listen and embrace the creative works of other beautiful adoptee voices. To understand what they know and have lived to write and talk about. To consider what I honestly might want to say that I have hushed repeatedly out of fear, misunderstanding, or rejection. To try again and do it differently. To keep seeking truth and healing. To continue fueling my passion inspired by the several adoptee writing groups I’ve joined. To remind me that there is plenty of room to find my footing and place as an adoptee’s voice. This is how I honor my voice.

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